Transcript of The Basic Formula

This transcript is taken from the ‘Full Six Steps’ process on www.powersofsix.com, Iterator II. It Over-drives A, B and C. Note that there is no Meta-drive in this process as it is was run at a PC with no facilitator.

What would you like to focus on this session?

• I want to work on being more assertive, more expressive of my wants and needs, rather than always trying to please Alice. I want to stop avoiding conflict at all cost

What do you know about that?

• As I was writing the last sentence, it is not quite right that I avoid conflict at all cost. Once it starts I can stay with it. I have a dread about it getting started though.

And what else do you know about that?

• I feel that I am not allowed, or don't have a right to initiate my own things, express my own needs. I don't even think about them, but then on the other hand I start to feel entitled to do certain things that I really want. There’s no real give and take there, it's more like well, I sacrifice myself so much, I sure deserve this or that

And what else do you know about that?

• The whole process leaves out Alice it seems. I am not really making contact with her, but just with my ideas what she likes or doesn't like. That fits with the facts that when we do fight - and of course A. always initiates that - I stay with it, and we usually work it out somehow. But I am losing her trust, heck I’m losing my own trust, I’m out of touch with myself and with her, I’m living in some sort of virtual world of ideas , and they are pretty constricted ideas at that. I need to come down to reality and just be here for a while, see what is going on. Guess I am kind of afraid of what I’ll find though, I’m worried that things may not turn out to be like I want them. It is weird, I don't feel the love for A. I once felt, but when I think of her and who she really is, I feel such kinship, such admiration. But it is almost like putting her on a pedestal, or maybe even like Midas, I’ve touched her - or she has touched me - and now she has turned into gold - to be admired and venerated, but it is no longer with real warmth, real closeness. There is a distance I can’t seem to bridge

And what else do you know about that?

• I have this pattern of relationships for a long time. I start out being madly in love, then at some point, I don't realize it at the time it happens, but I find myself distancing myself, cause I need to survive. I kill myself by losing touch with myself and with her, and then I rebel and withdraw. Its either me or the relationship. I just don't know how to be close.

And what else do you know about that?

• It’s okay to want. But what I avoid is change. I want to keep things perfect, I want to keep them just as they are, I don't want anything to happen to this close new relationship, to this wonderful feeling of closeness and intimacy, to this magic of infatuation. So I try to freeze her and me both. But I can’t, freeze her. So I get desperate, I try to anticipate, I have to go on my understanding of her, to be able to predict and forestall or prevent or pre-empt. That’s not easy, so I focus on that more and more, in the mean time lose track of both her and me as we are both changing, maturing, circumstances changing. Actually I am not maturing much, still feel like a boy often, trying so hard to please. I can, make time stand still, at least I think. I did it for myself I think. I am not developing new friends, I mean making new friends. Strange choice of words, developing. How do I grow older? Or just old? Guess that's another thing, I secretly want A to be my mother, take care of me, and be responsible for me. That’s not all I want though, it's just part of me that wants that, at the same time I really resent any semblance of A acting like my mother and telling me what to do. She isn't though. Or sometimes she may be, but I kind of set her up to do it.

And what else do you know about that?

• So I need to chill out, no, I need to melt. I want to meet A again. As she is. I want to stop controlling the world. Instead how about just responding to what it brings, and then we'll see where that leads. That’s a scary thought, but it is kind of exciting too.

So now what do you know?

• I think part of my wanting to be more assertive was because that's what my image of A prescribes. I need to do that to please her. How about I just am here for a change. I don't really need to do anything. Of course there are the practicalities of life and responding to them is one thing (that I haven't done very much of actually) but within the relationship, I don't HAVE to be this or that, or more this or that, or less of the other; I just am kind of curious what is there, in actuality. It’s been a while since I really kept a sustained focus on what is really happening around me.

What does that know about you?

• I am not sure I understand. What comes up: that knows I am often scared, or I feel scared. That also knows that I can thrive in freedom that the freedom itself is very validating and well, freeing. It knows I have it in me, I can do this.

And what else does that know about you?

• That knows that in actuality there is very little solid substance to freeze. It is all fluid and changeable, and it is the fluidity that gives it permanence and substance. I don't have to artificially create that

And what else does that know about you?

• It knows that it contains the fullness of life that I have been craving - and fearing at the same time

And what else does that know about you?

• It knows that I can be a small dependent child, I can be a strong adult man, I can be a selfish asshole, I can be a considerate partner, I am all those things, and all those are contained within me, those possibilities

And what else does that know about you?

• It knows there is a universe within as well as without

And what else does that know about you?

• It knows I am ready for this, although I tell myself I may not be. I may feel fear, and I may run, but I am ready and I can stop and experience and come back to this experiencing again and again

So now what do you know?

• It’s important to let go of preconceived notions of what is important. What’s important is not the content, what is important is the process. I've known all this, but it has never come together like it is now

And is there anything else about that?

• It gives a feeling of release, of openness. I find myself breathing deep, and I realize that physicality is an important aspect as well. This is not just all a cognitive thing; it plays out in the physical world

And is there anything else about that?

• I wonder if the porn thing was just another way of freezing things, keeping them the way they are, living more with notions than with actual experience. I don't just wonder, I know it is related

And is there anything else about that?

• I used to have a disdain for the physical, now the sacredness of it is starting to make sense

And is there anything else about that?

• Yes, here also I can be real. It is accepting and appreciating the physical, not fighting it or shaping or creating it artificially.

And is there anything else about that?

• It goes further; it is not me accepting it, as if there is a divide there. I want to experience life physically as well as spiritually or intellectually

And is there anything else about that?

• That’s what makes it complete, the spiritual, the intellectual, the physical, they are not different, and they are IT

So now what do you know?

• that I can open up to life, this goes way beyond being this way or that way, or even being a good partner. It’s not about being good, it's about living

What do you know about that?

• I know book things about that. I know acceptance, I know the concepts, and I know the ideas behind meditation. I know it all as disembodied ideas

And what else do you know about that?

• I know I also have had experiences that are just process, beyond judgment and evaluation. In aikido, in music

And what else do you know about that?

• The judging, the evaluating is one way that I get away from living. So is being swept up by fear

And what else do you know about that?

• You learn to sit and crawl before you learn to stand and walk. Time really doesn't exist, there is no hurry, and there is no taking your time.

And what else do you know about that?

• It’s not good how it is, nor bad. It just is.

And what else do you know about that?

• Somewhere the values come in to. But values are not there to evaluate with, they are there to steer or give direction. They are there to be experienced as well

So now what do you know?

• Live, in the world, and sustain life or support life, protect life

What does that know about you?

• I’m part of life

And what else does that know about you?

• I have all the potential within

And what else does that know about you?

• I am as I am, as perfectly flawed and as flawlessly perfect as that is

And what else does that know about you?

• I can’t be any other way than I am, and I am. I wanna say fine or perfect or acceptable, but none of those judgments fit, so i'll just say I am.

And what else does that know about you?

• And as I am, so are others around me. I can know that too

And what else does that know about you?

• I can actually live this way, I have that ability to wake up, to stay awake, to remain alive, to let go of the artificial delusional world I created where all I ended up looking I saw limitations and condemnations

So now what do you know?

• That I am ready to start learning, ready to be a beginner again

And is there anything else about that?

• It’s exciting, scary, exhilarating, humbling, it’s all of that and more And is there anything else about that? It will be a learning that is not dependent on words, but all of experience can come together in it. Words can be part of it, but they can’t grasp it or contain it. I may thus never understand in words, but I can fully understand in experience

And is there anything else about that?

• There is the trust that it will all come together

And is there anything else about that?

• This is like what I have thought meditation is about - living and meditating are really different ways of speaking about the same thing

And is there anything else about that?

• That means inner and outer space are really one. Congruence in the universe

And is there anything else about that?

• Congruence is not limited. I am the other, the other is me. This is the oneness of experience, of the universe, of living and death, of I and thou

So now what do you know?

• I am with Alice, she is with me, we travel together, and we are one. I have my experience, she has hers, and we can freely share.

And what is the difference between what you knew at the start and what you know now?

• I was dying, now I am starting to live. I knew I was dying, there were only limitations and limits around me, and they were closing in. Now I know that there is experience, that there are no limits. There will be fear, hope, joy, pain and all those things and more. There is also boundlessness, a letting go. There is life.